Everything Happens
everything happens everything happens everything happens everything happens everything happens f*ck the reason. it’s the meaning that shapes us. meaning is not “reason.” reason implies that there is some universally understood moral logic to this experience. meaning is how we exert our creative power into existence. the meaning we ascribe is our choice, our co-creation, & our free will aligning with destiny above desperately seeking the reason for our fate.
CHIRON x SUN x MOON x NORTHNODE
Lately I’ve been drawing my inner world into a concentrated awareness where I coax out the feeling within my body of a future me who exists without any restriction upon the creative life force flowing within and through them. Accessing this version of me who exists without the tight grip of past conditioning suffocating their desire to express has felt like a secret purification where I get to tap into the sanctity of my own unrestricted creativity.
We are always creating. There is no way to exist without being creative. Creating is natural. Art is the devotion and willingness to be destroyed by it. (Says my 5th house Scorpio stellium)
Ok, I understand we all have our own way of understanding art. I just think it’s important to have some reverence for the art that speaks to our collective nightmares, our unified crisis of consciousness, our walks on the edge of life where pathways to gnosis have us strung up like the hanged man in our own quest to feel again and again.
The archetype of the hanged man has been flooding through my experience lately. In a dream I traveled through an abandoned part of a city called “the hanged man” and climbed up into the beams of a beautiful metal structure to finally free myself from where I’d been only to fall and be caught by my partner in the dream, waking up to a feeling of being safely held while dangling from a very high place.
We all have to meet the hanged man in life if we want to know true progress. The kind that pierces our conditioned preconceptions about what is real, true, and all the ways we say “I am _____.”
This solar eclipse in Aries conjunct—to the minute—with Chiron has me in deep contemplation of what sacrifice and suffering mean. Ruled by mars who is sitting with Saturn in Pisces, this planetary combination and zodiac placement similarly calls to mind the energy and religious iconography of Christ on the cross.
What are these images, stories, myths—which are so deeply embedded into all of our psyches—trying to express to us about suffering and sacrifice?
Chiron was a true master but not a hero figure like other big players in Greek mythology. His gifts were expressed through mentorship and being the one everyone would go to as a teacher. Being immortal, when he was pierced with the poisoned arrow by accident it meant an eternity of suffering. Chiron’s story ends with him sacrificing himself to take the place of Prometheus who is being grotesquely punished by the Gods for bringing fire to humanity. Strung up on a rock to have his liver eaten out and regenerated each day. I see this part of the myth, when Chiron asks to take the place of Prometheus, as his way of accepting the suffering fully and putting it up as a form of sacred sacrifice. This act causes the Gods take pity on him and make him mortal so he might die, be released, raised up and honored in the sky.
These stories of the extremes of embodied suffering and sacrifice tell us something significant about the illuminating power that exists within this state of suspension when all we have left to do is sacrifice the suffering. All that is possible any more is to either hold on to our pain or let it burn through the fire of our surrendered heart.
A spiritual path isn’t about looking to finally end our pain for good or have every person in a 24/7 state of bliss where nothing affects them. It’s learning to release the suffering of life. How we make meaning is what matters. No one can tell you what the right path is or what sacrifice you have to make in order to release your suffering. We each have our own way and own unique set of limitations, challenges, and oppressive forces that we are working with to help us understand what it means to be free. To us. Freedom in general is an end to suffering, what that means specifically in the context of your unique soul’s evolution is your own. It may even look nonsensical to others. It doesn’t matter.
Ending my personal suffering has meant sacrificing my epoch of shame to the cauldron of art. I’ve been in a deep hanged man period for years, wondering if I’d ever find inspiration again to devote myself so fully after severe burn out from getting my MFA. But this is the way, the long game we came to play. When that feeling comes it’s like being pierced through the heart. The pit of grief welling up from being separate from it for so long mixed with the intense ecstasy of tasting a fire you know is just yours and it doesn’t matter what happens because it’s why you came here.
Capitalism has made us all starving, insatiable for the seemingly endless flow of creation being curated to us via algorithms trying to sell us the experience of art as a product, and the experience of each other as capital.
How is devotion to craft and being possessed by our own process meant to coexist with this void we all feed our content to?
I guess each creator finds their own way to answer that question. The squeeze and disillusionment of social media on artists is really producing some interesting ingenious responses. Beyond our brilliant capacity to navigate this culture of starvation that capitalism has created, I do question on a collective level how we contend with the the way companies purposefully design their services to be addictive, taking our imagination from us and replacing it with endless streams of content. Who is serving who here?
This Aries eclipse is the poisoned arrow in our side, stringing us up on the cross and begging us to become intimate with our suffering, especially around our motivation to Live. Not survive, but the primal intuitive impulse, the spiritual excitement that drives our vessel through this experience with a wildness and pleasure that is unstoppable.
Who are you before anyone tells you? What did you desire before it was sold to you? How will you reclaim your imagination?
Your answers to these questions will tell you exactly what you need to sacrifice.
It makes so much sense to me that my path brought me full into a spiritual breakdown/through. We would never know who we are if we didn’t sacrifice everything we knew of ourselves first. I studied filmmaking because it was the closest thing to dreaming I could tangibly work with. It is clear to me now that I needed to understand how to enter my own dream and the collective dream more fully before returning to Life.
Sending an endless bounty of gratitude and love to all those who engage with my work. And massive heart embrace and solidarity with all those standing in their light and using it in their unique way to serve the collective and a world that truly honors human life and all sentient beings upon this beautiful planet. May this eclipse ignite the sacred fire within each of us that is needed to propel us out of the delusions being fed around who deserves the type of freedom I was speaking upon and who does not.
Bless this life & our collective path toward awakening into the truth of our oneness.
♡ Evan ♡
Along with my natal chart and transit sessions and the longer 8 week program, I am going to start offering a new type of session where clients bring a dream to dive into together. I am excited to incorporate tarot and oracle guidance into these sessions as well to expand upon how the medicine of the dream wants to be expressed. More details on this session should be coming soon on my website and instagram but feel free to reach out ahead of that if this is calling to you! Looking at recent dreams or significant past dreams is very much encouraged.
I have also been giving weekly pick a card tarot/oracle readings which are in conversation with the current planetary transits every Sunday for the collective over on Youtube! This project started rather spontaneously and has been pretty exciting so far. I invite you to check out the magic over there.
xo